Writing your own wedding vows: A how-to guide
There’s something undeniably magical about standing under the open sky, surrounded by the sounds of nature, as you promise your heart to the love of your life. Whether you’re on a windswept clifftop in Cornwall, in a lush forest clearing in the Lake District, or in your nan’s blooming garden in Kent, writing your own wedding vows can make your ceremony truly unforgettable.
But let’s be honest: it can also feel terrifying.
Where do you begin? What should you say? How do you make your vows romantic without sounding like a walking Hallmark card?
Don’t worry – we’ve got you. This handy how-to guide will walk you through writing your own wedding vows, from the first brainstorm to that teary-eyed delivery under the Great British sky.
Why write your own vows?
First, let’s start with the why. Writing your own vows gives your ceremony a deeply personal touch. Instead of sticking to generic phrases, you get to tell your partner—and everyone else—exactly what makes your relationship special and what you promise for your future together.
It also helps create a ceremony that reflects you as a couple. Whether you’re sentimental, silly, poetic, or pragmatic, your vows can showcase your unique dynamic. Plus, in outdoor weddings where you’re often working with more flexibility and fewer formal traditions, personalised vows can help tie everything together beautifully.
Step 1: Talk to your celebrant
Before you put pen to paper, have a chat with your celebrant. In the UK, especially for outdoor weddings, many couples choose a humanist or independent celebrant to allow them more personalisation and flexibility.
Your celebrant will likely have lots of experience with custom vows and can help guide you on:
– How long they should be
– Whether you’ll read them aloud or repeat them after the celebrant
– Whether you’ll hear each other’s vows for the first time during the ceremony or write them together
They may even offer templates or prompts to get you started.
Bonus tip: Ask if they can build a mini ‘vow-writing workshop’ into your planning session!
Step 2: Discuss with your partner
While you might want to keep the actual words a surprise, it’s a good idea to talk through some key points with your partner. Having a quick chat about this helps avoid mismatched vows – imagine one of you cracking jokes while the other sobs through Shakespearean sonnets (awkward!)
Some key points to discuss are:
– Will your vows be funny, romantic, traditional, poetic?
– Are you aiming for similar length and tone?
– Do you want to include shared promises?
– Will you use any religious or spiritual references?
Step 3: Reflect before you write
Set aside some time to think about your relationship without any pressure to write something “perfect.” Grab a cuppa or a glass of wine and jot down answers to these prompts:
– When did you know you wanted to marry your partner?
– What’s something they do that always makes you smile?
– What challenges have you overcome together?
– How has your partner changed your life?
– What do you promise to do or be for them in the future?
Don’t filter or edit yet—just get those thoughts flowing.
Step 4: Write the first draft
Now that you’ve got some inspiration, it’s time to write. Here’s a basic structure to follow, but feel free to mix it up:
Open with a personal reflection
E.g., “From the moment we met in that tiny pub in Sheffield…”
Mention the qualities you love about them
“Your kindness, your terrible dad jokes, and your unwavering belief in me…”
Share a meaningful memory or story
“I’ll never forget our first camping trip, soaked to the bone and laughing all night. That’s when I knew…”
Make your promises
“I promise to be faithful and true to you, supporting your dreams (and laughing at your jokes) for as long as we live.”
End with a strong, heartfelt statement
“I loved you yesterday, love you still; always have, always will.”
Top tip: When writing, get into the zone by sitting in your favourite spot, perhaps listening to some of the music you’ve chosen for your wedding.
Step 5: Edit and refine
Once you’ve got your draft, take a break. Come back to it a day or two later with fresh eyes. Read it out loud. Trim anything that feels forced or rambly. Aim for around 1-2 minutes of speaking time – short, sweet, and memorable.
Then, if you’re feeling brave, share your draft with someone you trust (other than your partner). They can help you spot typos, tongue-twisters, or overly mushy bits.
Step 6: Practice, practice, practice
Reading your vows aloud helps ease nerves and improve delivery. Practice in front of a mirror, into your phone, or even to your dog.
Then write them down neatly on a card (rather than pulling out your phone!). If you are having a celebrant, they will probably offer to print the vows for you and hand them to you at the right moment. Some even offer beautifully presented scrolls or vow booklets for you to read from.
Top tip for outdoor weddings: If you’re bringing your own, laminate your vow card or have a backup copy in case of rain.
How to calm the nerves
Even the most confident public speakers can get emotional or shaky when it’s time to speak from the heart. That’s normal! Here are a few ways to steady yourself:
Breathe deeply before and during the vows
Focus on your partner, not the crowd
Pause when needed—emotion is part of the beauty
Hold hands as you read, if it helps ground you
Remember: your guests aren’t expecting perfection—they’re rooting for you. A few wobbly words or teary pauses only make it more genuine.
Final thought: It’s ok to laugh
Love isn’t always serious. If your vows include a joke about muddy walks or the time they tried to cook for you and nearly set the kitchen on fire, that’s okay. Some of the best vows blend humour with heart.
You’re not auditioning for a poetry slam—you’re making promises to the love of your life. Say what’s true, say what matters, and say it in your voice.
Recap: Your vow-writing checklist
Here’s a quick recap to keep you on track:
✅ Talk to your celebrant
✅ Discuss tone and length with your partner
✅ Reflect on your relationship
✅ Write a heartfelt first draft
✅ Edit for clarity, length, and impact
✅ Practice reading aloud
✅ Print (or laminate) your final vows
✅ Breathe, smile, and speak from the heart
Your wedding ceremony is one of the most memorable moments of your life—and your vows are the emotional centrepiece. By taking the time to write your own, you’re giving yourselves and your guests a beautiful, intimate glimpse into your love story.
So grab your pen, your memories, and maybe a tissue or two. You’ve got this!
